Change in third revision

In my third revision, I change my conclusion and some of my body paragraph. First is my conclusion, the conclusion I had before seems like a little weak and didn't leave with a really good ending. That is why I change my structure in my conclusion in order to make it become stronger and let the reader restate the position.(remind what is my position.) 

Beside my conclusion, I also change some part of my body paragraph. I fix every last sentences in each of my body paragraphs, and make sure that is did relate to the thesis at the end. However, i didn't think my sentences is strong enought. Perhaps I need more suggestion form my classmates or my teacher. It is hard for me to know what else could I change in my essay. If it is read by someone else, it will be easier for them to point of the problems I have in my essay.