What I change in draft 2

In my second draft, I change my thesis statement that was suggest by Ms.Guarino. Then I changed the part where my group members think is confus or not smooth. Such as in the forth paragraph (third body paragraph) There is a part where the sentence is right, but just sound awkward. However, thanks to my group member, now that sentence become smooth and no grammar error. They also give me some ideas about what can I add in each paragraph in order to make my body paragraph become more stronger. Last but not least, I check my writing again to make sure there are not any grammar error.

In my third draft, I would like to get more feedback from my classmate or my writing teacher. I think my body is not strong enough, so people won't agree with my possition. Also I think my conclusion is kind of short and weak, so I hope someone else could help me with giving some idea about how should I change it. Those are probably the main point that I am going to focus on when I do my third draft.

Brainstorms for persuasive essay

Exercise is very important for teenagers 

It required people to do exercise 

Less obesity problem

Growth better

Instead of playing computer game, do more outdoor activities 

Strong body 

Having more experience about new sport

Making new friends

Learning leadership and teamwork

Having enough relaxations instead of learning pressure

Healthy life

Get more focus on one thing

1. Is it necessary for a teenager having enough exercise time?

2. What are the advantage about having requirement sport time?

3 what if somebody didn't like it?

4 why there are only one type of sport in one season?(can't basketball in all season?)

5 should the requirements sport time be flexible?

There should participate three season activities. However, they should have the flexibility to decide their practice time for each day.(time commitment)

- exercise is important for teenager

- learning new things(leadership, teamwork, change one personality)

- find new hobby

- they could manage their schedule in order to get balance between school work and sport

Students at Cheshire academy should participate three season activities, but they should have the flexibility to decide their activities time in order to get balance on their school work and externality. With good reason.(good excuse) specific exception. 

Third paragraph- how to make the situation become not that awkward and disrespectful (like write the form) guild line for the situation. 

CA Policy for Afternoon Activity

As a student, exercise is part of their daily life activity. Through the exercise, they can learn how to communicate properly with their teammates, or train themselves into a healthier body...etc. They are lots of benefits for a student doing exercise, just like what Cheshire Academy does to their students. At Cheshire Academy, students are required to participate in three season afternoon activities. From the schools point of view, they say it is good for students because this not only force students to get out from their electronic products, but also improve their social skill that might use for the future. Such as leadership, teamwork, responsibility...etc. However, not all the students agree with the school. They think there should not be afternoon activities. Instead of wasting time on the turf, they would like to do their homework and enjoy the rest of the day. I agree with both sides opinion, so I combine both of them and come up with a conclusion. Students at Cheshire Academy should participate in three seasons of afternoon activities, but they should have the flexibility to decide the time for exercise each day. If they have a specific reason to be excused, so they could have more balance time between their school works and sports.

Some students might think “What is the reason for us to stay under the sun and do something that will make them sweat all their body?” According to the students I interview from Vdp, most of them would like to spend their afternoon inside the building but not going outside for exercise.(Vdp interview) I used to have the same opinion with them, then I realize exercise is very important for a teenager. From the Kidshealth.org, they mention that "teenager could be consider as the most important period of time for one person to growth."(Kidshealth.org) This mean if teenagers can get enough exercise during their growth period, it will help themselves to have a healthier life and stronger body. Beside getting a stronger and healthy body, they also can learn some social skills that might be helpful during their college years or when they go to work. People always think they will only learn these skills from their parents, but sometimes we can learn from our teachers or coaches too. Such as learning teamwork and communicate when I play soccer with other players. In a conclude, exercise is very important for students to have a healthy body and to learn social skill for the life.

Although exercise is a very important part for one student at their teenager period, but the class work are also important for them. If they only focus on sports and didn't take school works seriously, they might get a bad score on it; it will cause some negative effects when they apply colleges or job hunting. That is why I suggest students should have the flexibility to decide their practice time each day. For example, if one students having over five essays for homework tonight, they can ask their coach to have a day off to finish their homework instead of stay up until three o’clock in the morning. It is very reasonable for students and coaches, because there are many situations where students asking to have less practices time due to the homework they have. However, most of the time the coach don't accept this kind of excuse, and this always end up with those students are force to stay up late to finish their homeworks and nod during the class next day. If students can decide the practice time they day, these kind of stay up late problems will be reduce in certain amount of number.

One problems that might occur if we publish this policy is students might skip the practice just because they don’t want to get out and do their activity. That is why there are some rules for students need to follow in order to excuse their afternoon activities. For students, they will be required to fill out a form on internet and turn it in before 24 hours, which mean a day before the practice. It include what is the activity he/she do, reason, how long should the practice time be on that day. After they done with it, the excuse will need to be approve by a teacher in the community life office. They will go on your portal and check the homeworks you have, then decide whether you could excuse the activity or not. This will make sure students will not excuse their activities with no reason and no one notice about it. To make this policy success, school should keep an eye on all students requests, so there won't be anyone skip their activity with no proper reason.

There are lots of benefits for students having the flexibility to change their practice time each day. Not only to having balance time between the school works and sport, but also learning self management on their own free time. If they know themselves can not able to finish their homework before lights out, the form will be their best friends so they would able to spend more time on their works instead of sport. While everything looks perfect, but this policy still need to get more support from the students and coaches. All of these changes is to make students having less pressure on their school work, in the same time, can have the chance to enjoy the afternoon activities that school provide.

1. Vdp interview, 30/3/2015

2. Kidshealth.org, exercise for teenager, 31/3/2015

Letter to my friend

Dear William

I can't believe the trip is almost over. 

I still remember how everybody looks like when we got here. 

Almost every person felt warm and comfortable about the weather. 

Then, people start getting tired about the weather because of sun burn.

But I felt very excited and happy about what we had done at Florida. 

Such as practice from early morning to afternoon.

All of these are let us be prepare when the season start.

However, with a touch of sadness that we are leaving tomorrow.

I wish the school can start as soon as possible, so that we can play lacrosse very soon! 

The brightest star in the sky

http://youtu.be/UuIt2hKgXEc

The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

Last Thursday, it was the first day for The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee start preform. When I first get in the theater, I found out the background for the show was totally different than the one in the fall. The background was more vivid and meticulous, just like watching a cartoon. Soon, the show began; It start with a music that directed by Ms.DiGiacomo, which I believe was a group with many professional musical students. Then the characters start to came out, each of them had different kind of specialty so the way they came out were also interesting. Some people was happy, but some people was disappointed. However, all of these characters made the show looks more interesting then what I expect to see.

After the show began, something happened. They asked four audiences to come up and join the perform. At first I was very confuse about what they did, but later this remind me the summary I wrote about this play. In the show they will ask audience to join the play and they never have rehearsal with those audiences, so the reaction they made on the stage was also one major reason that made this show famous.

The host for the spelling bee competition was also interesting, the way how he gave the definition and the sentences was very “professional” All the sentences he used was very daily language, so that people can easily understand what the word mean by the sentences. I will never said that the sentences he used was like Ebonics language, it was very official.(cross finger). However, if I need to talk about the highlight about the show, the host of the spelling bee will definitely become one of the highlight.

During some part of the show, I’m not sure whether this is something that originally include in the show or was add by Ms.Guarino. I believe that they said something that was not about the show, such as the word “Galileo” even I can found out that they were make fun of the play that they done last season. Beside the joke they made, the introduction for the player were also very funny. For Elena, they said that the mike-shake her made can conquest every single person taste...etc. I think this is something that better than the last season, I’m not saying that the “Galileo” play wasn't good, but compare to this one this was more attractive for a student point of view. “Galileo” was a little bit too serious and more literature, and “The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee” was kind of opposite with the previous one, so that is why I think this play was make me more interesting to watch it.

This was the second play I saw during my junior year, I learned a lot of technique and skill about perform a play like this. Even more, I was kind of interesting that want to join the play. I would like to play drum for the show in the future if I have chances. Anyway, I would like to thanks every person who spend lots of time on this show so that we can enjoy it. I believe that the one in sprind season will even better!